So after a couple of amazing weeks I’m back to feeling vulnerable! Not in my usual ‘I’m scared to dare’, ‘I’m not good enough’ way, that I know how to deal with. No, this time its in the foreboding joy, ‘this is too good to be true’, ‘better not count on this continuing’ way.
Of course I didn’t realise what was going on at first. The initial signs were of me going back to my old bad habits. This is something we all do when we aren’t quite ready to face what is going on. We dull our senses, or distract ourselves so we don’t have to deal with certain feelings. Fortunately I now have a level of awareness that helps me identify when things are perhaps not quite right. So I started to analyse what was happening in my life and reached the conclusion that I was scared. Scared to put myself on the line and accept what was happening.
This vulnerability has turned up in an area of my life I usually don’t allow vulnerability to occur; rather I build a wall and avoid the situation at all costs. However there is an even bigger problem. The vulnerability has started spreading to other areas of my life where I am usually more confident. It’s making me doubt my abilities and it’s providing me with unnecessary worry.
So what to do? Well I’ve decided I’m going to embrace it! I’m going to allow myself to be vulnerable. Who knows this situation might just lead to great things that I wouldn’t otherwise receive, and if it doesn’t at least I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve learnt that if we don’t allow our vulnerability to be seen we aren’t really being true to ourselves. We will never be able to reach great heights and do all the things we love because we are too scared to show up and show ourselves openly to others. What’s the point in hiding behind the façade? It will only continue to strengthen patterns which have stopped us from having all we want and deserve in the first place.
There is a great TED talk by Brené Brown on the power of vulnerability, you can view it here http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability. Brené talks about how important it is for creativity and innovation that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and ‘dare greatly’. In her book, called ‘Daring Greatly’, she also explains that if we wait until we are perfect before we take big steps then we will sacrifice opportunities and relationships and ultimately waste our time. So I’m going to do what she says.
In thinking about my situation I also had another idea. If I’m feeling vulnerable in one area of my life and that’s spreading to other areas, then it stands to reason if I build confidence in another area then that confidence should spread. So I’m also going to focus on the things I’m good at, put those skills to work, use my resilience and courage and build my confidence. I’m no longer going to hide behind my bad habits, and I’m going to focus on the other areas of my life where I know I have what it takes, and dedicate the time to being even better. I encourage you to do the same.