I went on a date last week. This gentleman had been pursuing me for a couple of weeks, messaging every day, so I agreed to meet him for drinks and dinner. We enjoyed a bottle of wine in a great city venue, and whilst he really wasn’t my type, he was a nice guy (so I thought) and I figured I might as well continue the date on to dinner. We discussed the venue of choice, were about to go and he said he’d just fix up the bill and go to the loo which was on a different floor.
He never came back. Yes, just like in the movies!
After 15 minutes I sent him a text to make sure he was ok and to ask if he’d done a runner on me. No response. I waited another 15 minutes and by that time was pretty sure he wasn’t returning. Various scenarios floated through my head, maybe he had an ‘accident’ on the way to the loo? Maybe he had been mugged on his way? Maybe he got his bits caught in his zipper? Maybe he had a call and had to dash off? Maybe he got a better offer? Maybe he was (heaven forbid) lying on the floor somewhere close to death? I also had visions of him climbing out the toilet window to escape. As he was a big guy and the toilet was on the third floor, this image at least kept me entertained as I waited.
I decided to leave, and later I felt bad. I thought ‘what if something did happen to him?’ He didn’t return my text at all, and I thought surely he hadn’t done a runner? There were no signs, he was the one who suggested dinner and anyway, who does that???
So I did some research the next day, I put my investigating skills to work, just to make sure he was still alive. Turns out he was. I also suspect that of the possible scenarios, the better offer was the winner.
I couldn’t believe that he had chosen such a gutless and rude exit; as a mature man you should be able to have a difficult conversation. Difficult conversations are so called because they are ‘difficult’, but by ignoring the situation we only do the other party (and ourselves) a disservice. Until we can face these situations we will always have that slow burning anxiety in our belly because things won’t change and we might get caught out. And really, let’s face it, its just good manners!
So I’m starting a manners movement, I’m encouraging others to act with respect and remember one of life’s important lessons ‘treat others as you would like to be treated’.
So next time you have to reject someone, say no to a colleague or family member, or even performance manage a staff member, do so with speed, honesty and integrity. Don’t just wait for the problem to go away to save yourself the pain, because it probably won’t! Set the example, act with courage and be kind. Support others to do the same, make sure they see all perspectives and have the skills and courage necessary to face challenging discussions and situations with empathy and tact. If we all acted with good manners and respect the world would be a better place to live. After all, as my dear friend would say, ‘its nice to be nice’.
NB. The date wasn’t a total loss, sure I wasted some time, but he did pay the bill so I got few nice drinks amongst some amazing city views and a new blog post out of it!
To learn more about how Make Hay coaching can help you build courage and resilience, visit me at makehay.com.au.